Magazine
Confessions on Raising a Brainy Baby Without Losing Your Mind
Dear Jess of six months ago: I see you sitting on the rug in our Texas living room, sweating through your shirt, surrounded by Mandarin language flashcards, trying to get a ten-week-old to focus on high-contrast black-and-white shapes while the...
Why You Can Stop Panicking About Your Bow Legged Baby
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the sticky kitchen floor at 3:14 PM in those gray sweatpants with the mysterious yogurt stain, literally holding a plastic ruler up to Leoβs calves while he tries to eat...
The Real Rules of the Bouncy Seat (And Why They Can't Sleep In It)
I was standing in my tiny, mildew-speckled master bathroom shower at exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, wearing nothing but a layer of dried overnight spit-up and deep, bone-deep exhaustion, staring through the water-spotted glass at my three-month-old son, Leo....
The Boss Baby PNG Invite Crisis and Other Parenting Dad Bugs
2:14 AM. The cursor blinks at me mockingly. I'm staring at a layer mask in my photo editing software that's systematically failing its primary objective. The biggest myth they sell you in the hospital discharge paperwork isn't about infant sleep...
Is Boss Baby Back in Business Ruining My Kid? A Dad's Log
It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my apartment smelled faintly of day-old breastmilk and sheer desperation. My wife, Sarah, had left the state for a 48-hour work conference, leaving me as the sole systems administrator for our...
Why Bobby Sherman Cried Like a Baby (And Why Yours Does Too)
Yesterday at my favorite craft coffee spot, the barista handed me my iced Americano and casually mentioned that letting an 11-month-old scream in his stroller builds "diaphragmatic resilience." Two hours later, my mother-in-law texted to warn me that responding to...
Blueface Baby Mama Drama: Troubleshooting Real Infant Safety
I was pinned under a sleeping 11-month-old at 2:14 AM, the screen brightness on my phone turned down so low I was basically reading by echolocation, when the algorithm served me the blueface baby mama drama. If you somehow missed...
The Messy Truth About Dressing Your Infant in Tiny Stiff Denim
I was sweating completely through my only clean gray t-shirt, wrestling my six-month-old son into a pair of miniature, rigid cotton pants that featured actual, literal brass rivets. My husband was out in the garage blasting some playlist, and I...
Dealing with a Blocked Tear Duct Baby (Without Losing Your Mind)
I was standing over my oldest son's bassinet at six in the morning, holding my breath the way you do when you're praying you didn't just wake the baby, when I saw it. His left eye was completely glued shut....