Magazine
Why Machine Gun Kelly's Co-Parenting Setup Is Oddly Inspiring
It was 3:14 in the morning, the Texas humidity was already sticking to the windowpanes like a wet blanket, and my middle child—let's just call her Baby M for the sake of keeping some things private—was doing that terrifying back-arching...
The Truth About Raising Mega Babies When Standard Gear Fails You
I was standing in the fluorescent-lit hospital room, still completely numb from the waist down, watching my husband try to wrestle our firstborn into a "newborn" sized coming-home outfit that we had paid entirely too much for on Etsy. My...
Max Verstappen Baby Quotes and the Packaged Chicken Problem
My mother-in-law told me I had to hold the baby firmly against my left pectoral so she could sync to my heartbeat like a Bluetooth device. My senior developer Slack-messaged me to keep the baby elevated at exactly a 45-degree...
What Is The Matter Baby? Surviving The 3 AM Newborn Panic Mode
It’s 3:17 AM, and I'm standing in the middle of a nursery that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation, bouncing my oldest son so hard I’m giving myself shin splints. He is wailing like a banshee. My husband walks...
The Ultimate Man vs Baby Guide: Debugging First-Year Fatherhood
Portland rain is violently smacking against the nursery window, and I'm staring at a dual-screen monitor setup that used to be only for gaming, but is now dedicated to a massive spreadsheet that's fundamentally mocking my existence. It's 2:14 AM....
The Viral Falling Baby Lawsuit Hoax vs Actual Window Tech
Thursday morning, my phone lit up with three completely incompatible push notifications about gravity and my 11-month-old. First, my mother-in-law texted me a frantic TikTok link claiming some random dude was dragged into court for half a million dollars after...
Note to Self: Surviving the Man Baby & What to Dress Them In
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It’s 3:14 AM. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of your sister’s guest room wearing a pair of Dave’s old sweatpants with a questionable bleach stain on the knee and a nursing tank...
Figuring Out The MAGA Baby Savings Accounts Without Crying
Whatever you do, please don't open your laptop at 11:43 PM after half a glass of cheap Pinot Noir to try and calculate compounding interest for a four-year-old's theoretical college fund. I was sitting on the rug in Leo's nursery—wearing...
The Love Is Blind Megan Baby Drama Actually Makes Complete Sense
It's 3:14 AM. The kitchen floor is strangely sticky under my bare feet, and I'm furiously doomscrolling through an absolute hurricane of internet outrage with my thumb clamped over my phone's speaker so the autoplay videos don't wake the one...