Magazine
The Honest Truth About Mixing Human Kids And Baby Puppies Now
My grandmother always kept this framed cross-stitch in her kitchen of a rosy-cheeked toddler sleeping peacefully in a wicker basket with a fluffy golden retriever pup tucked right under his arm. Let me just tell y'all, that image is the...
Letter to Myself: Surviving the Baby Pukeko Encounter
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the flat in Hackney, aggressively trying to cram forty-two nappies and a mountain of wipes into a suitcase that was clearly designed for a weekend in Paris,...
Dear Past Me: Surviving a Baby Pug and a Human Infant at Once
Dear Past Me from exactly six months ago, It's Tuesday, 10:14 AM. You're standing in the kitchen wearing those black maternity leggings that you absolutely refuse to throw away even though Leo is four and Maya is seven. You have...
The Blunt, Honest Truth About Feeding Baby Puffs To Your Kids
I was cleaning out my minivan last Tuesdayβa task I only do when the smell of sour milk becomes physically unbearableβand I found it. Cemented to the floorboard beneath the car seat, practically fossilized into the upholstery, was a single,...
Surviving a Baby Praying Mantis Hatch With an 11-Month-Old Kid
It was 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a plastic mesh butterfly pavilion on my kitchen counter like I was waiting for a server to reboot. I held a plastic spray bottle in one hand, completely...
Sorting out the truth about cooking potatoes for your infant
My mother-in-law told me to boil them in full-fat milk and mash them with enough ghee to lubricate a small engine. She said it would make my son strong, calling him her little beta while ignoring my terrified first-time-mom face....
A dad's honest survival guide to baby poop colors and nappies
My mother-in-law told me mustard yellow means they're digesting their milk perfectly. The NCT instructor casually mentioned that anything even slightly green requires immediate, intensive medical intervention. And a bloke at our local pubβwho freely admitted he hasn't held a...
The Honest Truth About Baby Poop (And What Is Actually Normal)
I was holding a flashlight between my teeth at 3:15 AM, trying to angle my phone camera just perfectly so I didn't get a glare off the shiny puddle of what looked like alien slime in my oldest son's diaper....
The ugly truth about that cute baby pool float you just bought
My sister-in-law's backyard in Naperville smells intensely of expensive mineral sunscreen and chlorine. It's mid-July, the humidity is oppressive, and I'm standing at the edge of the water holding a thrashing nine-month-old. My mother-in-law is hovering nearby, aggressively trying to...