Magazine
Prune Juice for Babies: A Dad's Guide to the Constipation Matrix
My mother-in-law told me to fill an entire eight-ounce bottle with warm Sunsweet and let him chug it like a fraternity dare. My lead developer at work, who has three teenagers and a suspiciously clean desk, warned me that any...
Pretty Little Baby I'm So In Love With You: The Reality
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of the Honda, parked terribly across two spaces at the local Target. The air conditioning is blasting but you're still sweating through your oversized maternity t-shirt...
Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields and the Myth of Normal Parenting
I'm currently paused on a frame of a 1980s television talk show host asking an 11-year-old child an incredibly inappropriate question about her body. The harsh glow of the TV is illuminating the half-empty bottles on our coffee table, my...
Pretty Baby Full Movie Searchers: A Mom's Take on Screens
I was sitting on my living room floor at 10 PM last Tuesday, folding what felt like my four-thousandth load of tiny toddler socks, when I went down a massive Google rabbit hole. I had just finished watching that two-part...
Why the pretty baby 1978 aesthetic is ruining modern motherhood
I spent three hours last Tuesday trying to wedge a screaming four-month-old into a neutral-toned, structured linen romper just so my mother-in-law wouldn't text me about how unkempt her granddaughter looked in my Instagram stories. The romper had eight tiny...
NICU Wardrobe Hacks: Dressing Your Preemie Without Breaking Things
I was standing next to an isolette that cost more than my first car, holding a microscopic, bright red fleece snowsuit my aunt had mailed us. The incubator was humming. The Philips monitors were doing that rhythmic, low-stakes beeping that...
Why Googling Playboi Carti's Baby Boi at 3 AM is a Parenting Mistake
There I was, balancing a dangerously lukewarm oat flat white on my knee at the Greenwich park swings, trying to pretend I still possessed a shred of cultural relevance. The dad pushing his toddler next to meβa bloke wearing immaculate...
Why The Peppa Pig Baby Gender Reveal Sent Me Into a Tailspin
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the faded blue IKEA rug in the den. You're wearing those grey sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, drinking coffee that went cold two hours...
Why Peppa Pig is Banned (and Unbanned) in My House
I was standing at the kitchen island trying to pack up four late Etsy orders while balancing a screaming newborn on my hip when I heard it. A high-pitched, fake British accent coming from the living room. "Mummy Pig! I...