The Great Registry Meltdown and the Weird Return of Buybuy Baby
I was twenty-four weeks pregnant, sitting in the sweltering heat of my Ford F-150 outside a suburban strip mall, ugly crying into a half-eaten sleeve of saltines. It was July in Texas, my ankles had officially merged with my calves,...
Why My First Stair Gate Was a Complete Disaster and Other Confessions
I dropped an entire basket of freshly folded onesies right at the bottom of the steps when I saw it. My oldest son, Carterβwho's now five and still the absolute poster child for why I've gray hairβwas nine months old...
The Brutal Truth About Choosing a Baby Formula for Your Infant
The biggest myth in modern parenting is that the price tag on a tin of powdered milk directly correlates to how much you love your child. I used to believe this. Before the twins arrived, I assumed that unless a...
Surviving the "Pretty Little Baby" Illusion (And Other Newborn Real...
I'm standing in the poorly lit postnatal ward of a central London hospital, staring at what looks like two furious, bruised potatoes. My wife is completely unconscious, having just performed a biological miracle that looked exactly like a medical emergency,...
My 3 AM Million Dollar Baby Obsession
It's 2:47 AM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting on the nursery floor wearing a hoodie that smells faintly of regurgitated sweet potato, trying to rock one of my twin daughters back to sleep while her sister aggressively kicks the cot...
The Google Sheet That Nearly Broke Us: A Guide to Baby Girl Names
Row 47 of our shared Google Sheet was where my marriage nearly met its untimely end over the name 'Blythe'. My wife, heavily pregnant and radiating a sort of exhausted menace, argued that it sounded literary and sophisticated. I argued...
Why the Baby Driver Cast Fooled Me on Family Movie Night
My oldest boy, Jackson, is standing dead center in the living room wearing mismatched dinosaur pajamas, clutching a half-eaten string cheese like a microphone, and staring completely wide-eyed at our television screen. It's 9:45 PM on a Friday. He's supposed...
Living With a Real Life Boss Baby: Who Is Actually in Charge?
Before the twins were born, my mother-in-law tapped her teacup and said, "Establish dominance early, Tom, or they'll walk all over you." Two days later, a bloke at the Dog & Duck assured me, "Just let 'em cry, mate, show...
Real Talk Baby Shower Ideas That Won't Make You Cringe
I was sitting at my kitchen island at 28 weeks pregnant with my first, staring at my phone as three completely different realities collided in my text messages. My grandma was insisting we rent out the church fellowship hall for...