That Time I Thought My Baby Broke Every Single Bone
I was standing in the middle of my living room at ten o'clock at night, holding a screaming four-month-old, wearing a t-shirt covered in sour milk, and trying to figure out if human knees were supposed to bend that way....
The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...
Raising An Honest Baby: The Myth That Is Driving Us Absolutely Mad
I'm standing in aisle nine at the grocery store, holding a wailing 18-month-old on my left hip while aggressively squinting at the microscopic font on the back of a lotion bottle. The cart wheel is squeaking, my back is sweating,...
Spoiled By My Billionaire Baby Daddy: The Real Truth About Luxury
I was standing at the kitchen island at eleven o'clock last night, aggressively scrubbing dried sweet potato off a highchair tray with a sponge that had definitely seen better days, when my phone auto-played a clip from that ridiculous viral...
The Newborn Spreadsheets: Confessions of a Recovering Stat Baby Obs...
Dear Tom from two and a half years ago, You're currently sitting in the glow of your phone screen in the hallway outside the nursery, aggressively logging "three minutes of unsettled grizzling" into an app that costs Β£4.99 a month....
The Real Truth About Sweets and That Sugar Baby Candy
My grandmother, bless her heart, was sitting on my front porch in her favorite floral duster when she reached into her dark, mysterious purse and pulled out a sticky, half-melted sugar baby candy. My oldest, who was barely eleven months...
The Suki Baby Trend: What Touring Rockstars Forget to Tell You
I was standing in Terminal B at DFW airport, dripping sweat onto my carry-on bag, trying to figure out which of the fourteen plastic clips on my baby carrier was currently digging a trench into my left rib. I had...
The "Maybe Baby" Fantasy vs. Bringing Home Your Actual Newborn
It was 3:17 in the morning, and the blue light from my smartphone was practically burning my retinas as I sat in the rocking chair, desperately trying to log exactly how many ounces of breastmilk my oldest had just choked...
Why googling "Luna baby" at 3 AM is actually a terrible idea
I'm sitting on the cold, hexagonal tile of my master bathroom floor, and it's exactly 3:14 AM. I know it's 3:14 AM because the glowing red numbers on the digital clock Dave insisted we put in there are glaring at...