Magazine

Exhausted mother looking down at a fussy newborn in a dimly lit nursery

The Hey Baby Reality Check For Every Exhausted New Parent

It was 3:14 in the morning and I was standing over a crib trying to negotiate with a swaddled infant who looked like a very angry burrito. The white noise machine was turned up to a volume that probably violated...

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Marcus's baby in a highchair experiencing a messy baby bistro los angeles style meal

The Michelin Star Delusion: Surviving the Home Baby Bistro Era

I'm currently staring at a bright orange smear on my kitchen ceiling that has been there for three consecutive days. Apparently, an 11-month-old baby can generate enough torque in his right arm to launch a silicone spoonful of artisanal sweet...

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A tired mother holding her toddler in a messy kitchen

The Real Meaning Behind Sugar Babies For Tired Moms

Five pounds of Gold Medal all-purpose flour hit my linoleum floor with a sound like a muted gunshot. A white cloud plumed up, coating my scrubs, my sneakers, and the crying actual human infant strapped to my chest. I was...

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Dad looking confused at a bowl of orange sweet potato baby puree

Debugging Stage 1 Baby Food: A Dad's First Bites Protocol

It's 6:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently staring at a splatter of bright orange sweet potato puree on my kitchen ceiling. I'm trying to reverse-engineer the physics of how a human being weighing exactly 16.4 pounds managed to...

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Exhausted dad holding his baby near a wooden play gym and organic cotton baby products

What the Sparkle Meghan Baby Drama Taught Me About Newborns

I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, pressing a warm bottle of breastmilk against my cheek to test the temperature, while my wife scrolls TikTok on the closed toilet lid. She holds up her phone, completely...

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Dad staring blankly at television while twin toddlers destroy the living room

When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting

I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...

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Exhausted mother laughing on floor surrounded by baby boxes

The Tous Baby Consumer Trap: What I Wish I Knew Six Months Ago

Hey Jess. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor of the Target baby aisle, roughly seven months pregnant with baby number three, crying over whether to buy a sixty-dollar wipe warmer that has a built-in nightlight and Bluetooth speaker....

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A tired dad trying to read estate planning paperwork while twin toddlers dismantle the living room

Dear Past Tom: The Actual Trust Fund Baby Meaning (63 chars)

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in a solicitor’s waiting room in zone 3, trying to peel a smashed Rice Krispie square off a faux-leather chair before Mr. Henderson comes out to discuss your estate. Twin...

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Exhausted dad staring at a spreadsheet on his laptop while baby plays on rug

Vanessa Hudgens Baby Reality Check: Why Balance Is A Total Myth

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a scatter plot I had painstakingly built in Python to map our 11-month-old’s sleep regressions against the ambient humidity of his nursery. (For the record, 48% humidity and...

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