The Honest Truth About Baby Aquaphor: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of Target. It's a Tuesday, I think. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that have the weird crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh that you swore you'd...
The Midnight Delusion of Finding a Flawless Baby Gender Predictor
It's 2:14 in the morning, and I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen dangling my wife's wedding ring on a piece of mint-flavored dental floss over her slightly convex stomach. She is entirely ignoring me, aggressively eating pickled onions straight...
The Michelin Man Myth: Dressing Your Baby for Winter Survival
It was November 2017, and I was standing in a Target parking lot sweating through my deodorant while the actual air temperature was roughly twenty-eight degrees. Maya was four months old at the time. I was wearing yoga pants that...
The Hospital Wi-Fi Stalled Our Magic Baby Names
The fluorescent light in room 412 of Providence Hospital had this specific 60-hertz hum that was drilling directly into my sleep-deprived prefrontal cortex. I had a lukewarm, terrible cafeteria coffee in one hand and a state-mandated birth certificate form in...
Debugging the Johnson's Baby Oil Skin Hydration Myth for Dads
My hands are slick with a ridiculous amount of synthetic fragrance and highly refined petroleum, and my eleven-month-old son is currently sliding across the living room hardwoods like an aggressive, giggling hockey puck. It's a Tuesday evening. I'm trying to...
The Big Myth About Johnson Baby Shampoo (And What I Use Now)
I was sitting on the cold, unforgiving bathroom tile in my favorite pair of ancient, bleach-stained yoga pants. It was exactly 8:14 PM on a Tuesday. Maya, who was two at the time and going through a truly unhinged phase...
The weird, messy truth about baby mineral oil: A letter to past me
Dear Sarah from last November, You're sitting on the beige bathroom rug at 2 AM. You're wearing those faded black leggings that have a hole near the left knee, you're freezing, and you're drinking your third cup of lukewarm coffee...
When Can You Find Out Gender Of Baby? A Twin Dad's Honest Guide
I was standing in our galley kitchen on a miserable Tuesday afternoon, holding a plastic cup of my wifeβs morning urine in one hand and a slightly expired box of baking soda in the other. The internetβthat infinite void of...
Surviving the "Babys at 30 Weeks" Search Spiral (And The Heartburn)
I found Sarah sitting on the cold kitchen tiles at 3:14 AM, illuminated entirely by the blue glare of her phone screen and eating dry Cheerios straight from the cardboard box. She looked up at me, eyes hollow with exhaustion,...