How to Soothe Colic Baby Tears Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was standing in my kitchen at 8:14 PM on a Tuesday, wearing gray maternity leggings that I had worn for literally four days straight because pulling real pants up over my postpartum belly felt like a personal attack. Maya...
A Mom's Messy Guide to Figuring Out if Your Baby Chicks are Roosters
Dear Jess from six months ago, who's currently standing in the middle of the feed store with a baby on your hip, a toddler hanging on your leg, and a four-year-old begging for a fuzzy yellow cotton ball... Put the...
How To Actually Hold A Newborn Without Freaking Out
I'm currently sitting on the peeling linoleum floor of my laundry room, staring at a mountain of spit-up stained onesies, writing this on the back of a wrinkled Target receipt because if I don't get these thoughts out of my...
The messy truth about putting a newborn on paper without going crazy
It's raining sideways in Chicago. The kind of rain that makes you reconsider ever leaving your house again. We're trapped in the living room, and the walls are closing in. Rohan has a fistful of crushed crayons and is demanding...
Wait, How Old Is Too Old To Have A Baby? The Messy, Honest Truth
I was sitting on our bathroom floor in my lucky, aggressively holey gray sweatpants, staring at a positive pregnancy test and doing frantic mental math. Maya was three, I was thirty-seven, and my husband Dave was downstairs making his incredibly...
The Midnight Mouse Panic and Why Crumb Control is Everything
It was 7:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was exactly where I always am at that time: on my hands and knees under the high chair, scraping a fossilized piece of sweet potato off the baseboard with a wet...
What to Do When You Feel Less Fetal Movement in the Third Trimester
My mother-in-law told me babies just get lazy at the end. The girl in my prenatal yoga class said her doula claims fetuses enter a deep meditative state to prepare for birth. A random mom on the internet said to...
How Long Does Baby Acne Last? (And Why You Shouldn't Panic)
I was standing in line at my local coffee shop, wearing these black maternity leggings that I had fully sworn to myself I'd burn the second I gave birth, but here we were, three weeks postpartum, and they were the...
Why We Are Obsessed With The Homeless Billionaire Baby Daddy
My mother-in-law told me I just needed to pray harder to find my village. The lactation consultant at the hospital said I needed to schedule self-care in fifteen-minute increments. My best friend, three margaritas deep, told me to just download...