Magazine

Dad looking stressed at a laptop with baby shower decorations.

Debugging the Absolute Chaos of Modern Boy Baby Shower Themes

I was on row 47 of my Google Sheet, cross-referencing the hex codes of compostable napkins with three different artisanal bakery delivery zones, when my wife gently closed my laptop. It was a Saturday afternoon, roughly two months before our...

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A stressed father pulling a toddler away from a very confused pigeon in a London park

The Cutest Baby Animals Myth: Why Toddlers Are Wildlife Menaces

My left hand is currently clamped around the collar of a toddler who's vibrating with the intense, terrifying desire to strangle a squirrel with pure love. We're in St. James’s Park, it's raining, and I'm actively disproving the greatest myth...

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Confused dad holding a red holiday onesie while listening to eartha kitt santa baby

Troubleshooting the Santa Baby Holiday Aesthetic

Last Tuesday at exactly 6:14 PM, I found myself locked in a physical struggle with a miniature velvet suit. My 11-month-old daughter was screaming like I'd just permanently uninstalled her favorite game, and my wife was standing in the doorway...

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A neutral baby nursery with a firm crib mattress and sustainable wooden toys

What Elon Musk's Expanding Family Taught This Pediatric Nurse

I was wiping a suspicious volume of spit-up off my scrub top in the pediatric ER breakroom when a resident handed me a magazine with another billionaire on the cover. Everyone was whispering about the latest elon musk baby addition,...

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Tired dad mixing European baby formula bottle in the kitchen at night

Decoding European Baby Formula When You Are Running on No Sleep

The timestamp on our smart nursery thermometer read 3:14 AM. I was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen tiles, surrounded by three different brands of domestic baby powder, a sticky bottle, and a 4-month-old who sounded like a dial-up modem failing...

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Confused dad looking at a baby playing with wooden toys on a floor rug

Troubleshooting The Real Cosmic Powers Of Your Own Human Infant

At my sister's backyard barbecue last weekend, three different people gave me completely contradictory advice about my son's biological capabilities within a ten-minute window. My uncle told me to just drop the kid in the deep end of the pool...

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A tired dad looking at a soggy mountain of cardboard baby registry boxes on a rainy porch.

Surviving the Free Baby Box Hustle: A Dad's Tracker

It was 7:42 PM on a Tuesday, raining sideways in typical Portland fashion, and I was standing on my porch staring at a pile of soggy cardboard that made my house look like a localized fulfillment center. My neighbor gave...

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A stressed mom standing in a dark kitchen holding a baby gas relief tube

The 3 AM Whistling Butt Tube (A Letter To My Exhausted Past Self)

Dear Sarah from exactly four years ago (though my sleep-deprived, coffee-soaked brain still genuinely feels like this was maybe 6 months ago), You're currently standing in the kitchen. It's 3:14 AM. You're wearing those gray maternity sweatpants with the mysterious...

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A terrified dad driving carefully with a massive three-tier custom cake sitting precariously in the passenger seat

Transporting a Three-Tier Boho Frosting Tower on I-5 at 15 MPH

The suspension on a 2016 Subaru Outback is surprisingly unforgiving when you've forty pounds of Swiss meringue buttercream buckled into the passenger seat. I was driving fifteen miles per hour down the shoulder of I-5 with my hazard lights flashing,...

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