Magazine
The Truth About Infant Photos: From Contrast Cards to AI Scraping
The phone on my nightstand vibrates at 4:12 in the morning. The screen lights up the dark room with another WhatsApp message from my mom, reading simply, "send more babi images." She always mistypes baby as babi, mostly because her...
The Midnight Babi Meltdowns: Surviving Drool and Sleeplessness
Whatever you do, do NOT google "why are my kid's gums blue" at three in the morning. I was sitting on the edge of the glider in Maya's nurseryβthe gray one we bought off Craigslist that always squeaked if you...
Why Your Newborn's Length Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means
"Well, look at those long legs, he's got size fourteen feet in his future for sure!" my great-aunt Linda practically hollered across the patio, hoisting my three-week-old oldest son like a prize-winning bass at the family barbecue. Everyone nodded sagely....
Why I Swear By Unscented Aveeno For My Kids Eczema Nightmares
I was halfway down on my left knee, skidding across the wet bathroom linoleum while my oldest screamed bloody murder and thrashed around in what was supposed to be a soothing bedtime soak. It was 2019, my husband was working...
I Finally Understand The Atomized Baby Meme (And You Will Too)
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the hallway radiator is pressing a distinctly uncomfortable geometric pattern into my lower spine. Florence, who's Twin A and currently engaged in a psychological war against the concept of sleep, has finally passed...
The Truth About Crawling Timelines From A Tired London Twin Dad
I'm currently lying face down on a heavily stained Berber rug, making intense eye contact with a small, unblinking human who has just eaten a piece of fluff. In my outstretched hand is a set of house keys, jangling desperately...
Why The Ashanti Baby Drama Triggered My Deepest Night Shift Rage
The absolute biggest lie we tell pregnant women isn't about the ring of fire during childbirth, and it's not about how breastfeeding is supposed to feel "natural." It's this bizarre, culturally accepted myth that men somehow physically lack the biological...
The "asa baby monster" Google Trap: A Guide to Actual Toddler Chaos
There I was, at 3:14 am on a Tuesday, blinking at my glowing phone screen while Twin A rhythmically headbutted my collarbone. I had simply wanted to buy a cute, slightly terrifying novelty onesie for Halloween. I typed what I...
A Letter To Myself Before Buying That Artipoppe Baby Carrier
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo, aren't you? The twins are simultaneously screaming in the living room, there's a distinct smell of sour milk on your favourite jumper, and you're staring at your...