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Why The Baby Body Mit Kragen Saved My Sanity At Formal Events
I was standing in the aggressively marble-tiled bathroom of a ridiculously expensive chateau just outside Geneva, holding my screaming eight-month-old son at arm's length while my husband Dave frantically searched for baby wipes in a bag that only contained, for...
Premature babies and the sheer panic of size 44 clothing
There's a very specific, cold dread that washes over you when you attempt to put a standard newborn baby-grow onto a two-kilogram human. I was standing next to Twin Aβs clear plastic hospital cot, entirely sleep-deprived and sweating through a...
A Letter to My Past Self About the Great Baby Bib Migration
Hey past Marcus. It's currently November, which means you're standing in the kitchen at 2 AM, holding a cloth that smells vaguely of sour milk, trying to calculate if it's physically possible for a five-month-old to output more fluid than...
The newborn rattle timeline from potato stage to blunt force trauma
I was standing in the kitchen at 4am, holding a plastic object that resembled a neon torture device, trying to work out why my three-week-old daughters were actively ignoring it. It was a Tuesday. Or possibly a Thursday. Time becomes...
Debugging the Glitchy Physics of Baby Formalwear and Outfits
My mom told me babies need a slip under their dress so the tulle doesn't scratch. My mother-in-law said anything with a skirt is basically a sleep hazard waiting to execute a critical failure. And the barista at my favorite...
Why I Swear By A Black Long Sleeve Onesie For Newborns
My mother told me babies should only ever be dressed in white pointelle cotton or pale lemon yellow. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, took one look at my registry and announced that dressing an infant in dark colors would permanently...
Naturkautschuk BeiΓring: A Dadβs Guide to Teething Hardware (66 chars)
It was exactly 3:14 AM when I realized my eleven-month-old had somehow bypassed the living room baby gate and was quietly trying to soothe his terribly swollen gums on the braided power cord of my MacBook Pro. There was a...
BeiΓring Holz: Why I Tossed the Plastic for Wooden Teethers
I'm literally sitting on the floor of my laundry room right now, picking golden retriever hair off a neon green, gel-filled plastic teething ring that my three-year-old just excavated from the dark abyss under the living room couch. Itβs sticky....
Dear Past Marcus: You Will Wear Silicone Teething Jewelry
Itβs 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and youβre standing in the kitchen watching Maya try to tape her favorite delicate gold chain back together while our five-month-old daughter looks on with zero remorse. Youβre currently thinking, Wow, babies have an...