Put down the loves baby soft perfume before you hold my baby
The pink bottle appeared out of nowhere while I was trying to figure out how to ice my perineum. My mother-in-law had cornered me in the hospital recovery room, brandishing a vintage bottle of Loves Baby Soft perfume like it...
A father's guide to a little baby's ice cream introduction
Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting on the porch of our Portland rental, it's 95 degrees in August, and you're holding a dripping scoop of Salt & Straw honey lavender. The five-month-old is...
Dear Me: Surviving Your First Little Baby And The Fourth Trimester
It's three in the morning right now. You're sitting in the dark nursery, covered in a sticky fluid you're too tired to identify, rocking a screaming infant while questioning every life choice that led you here. I know you feel...
Googling Lil Baby The Leaks Album During A 3AM Diaper Blowout
I was standing barefoot in the dark hallway at 3:14 AM, holding my youngest kid away from my body like he was a ticking bomb. Baby T had just managed to produce a mustard-colored blowout so completely catastrophic that it...
My Postpartum Ink Regrets & The Truth About Lil Baby Tattoos
Itβs exactly 9:43 PM on a random Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the edge of our freezing porcelain bathtub wearing a pair of gray sweatpants that definitely have three-day-old strawberry yogurt crusted on the thigh, actively sobbing over my four-year-oldβs...
Why a kyte baby discount code almost broke my sanity at 3am
Itβs 3:14 AM, the absolute worst possible time for rational decision-making, and I'm illuminated entirely by the harsh, judgmental blue glow of my phone screen. Maya is currently passed out on my chest, drooling a thick puddle of what I...
The Truth About That Demon Baby Movie Destroying Your Toddler
I found my two-year-old standing by the pantry yesterday, clutching a bottle of Cholula like a teddy bear, demanding I call him maknae. That was the moment I realized the biggest lie parents are telling each other right now. Everyone...
What The Kodak Black Baby Mama Drama Teaches Us About Co-Parenting
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum floor of the laundry room. It's somewhere around 2:17 in the morning, and you've dried spit-up crusted onto the shoulder of your only clean t-shirt. The dryer...
The Complete Jelly Baby Survival Guide For Overthinking Dads
Dear Marcus from six months ago. Itβs me, future Marcus. Our kid is 11 months old now, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're currently standing in aisle four of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer at 9:15 PM, holding a...