The Great Swaddle Blanket Debugging: A Letter to My Past Self
Dear Marcus from eleven months ago. You're currently balancing on one foot in the semi-darkness of the nursery, holding a screaming, flailing seven-pound human potato against your chest. You're desperately trying to pause a YouTube tutorial with your chin because...
The truth about baby gift boxes and the newborn denim delusion
It was day four of being a dad, precisely 2:14 AM. The baby was actually asleep, which felt like a trap, but I was too exhausted to care. I was standing in our living room illuminated only by the microwave...
The Absurdity of Sourcing Genuine Retro Tshirts for Toddler Twins
I'm currently standing in a painfully hip vintage shop somewhere in the depths of Shoreditch, holding a faded 1994 Soundgarden t-shirt roughly the size of a tea towel, while my daughter Lily attempts to eat a price tag that says...
Decoding The Perfect Infant Gift Set Without Crashing Your System
I'm currently staring at a miniature denim jacket that features six fully functional, incredibly stiff metal buttons. My son is eleven months old now, but when he was a newborn, someone handed us a beautifully wrapped box containing this rigid...
Why That Cute Infant Bedding Set is Actually a Terrible Idea
I was sweating through my maternity shirt, wrestling a thick, heavily embroidered quilt into a crib that looked like it belonged in a Victorian museum. I had just dropped way too much money on a matching ten-piece nursery package for...
The longsleeve baby survival guide from a tired triage nurse
July in Chicago is a specific kind of miserable. The window unit in our living room sounds like a dying tractor, fighting a losing battle against the humidity. My daughter is asleep on a playmat in just a diaper, looking...
The Chili's Parking Lot Blowout: A Real Guide to Baby T-Shirts
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Honda CR-V in a Chili's parking lot, staring at my four-month-old firstborn, Carter, and seriously contemplating just leaving my favorite diaper bag in the car and walking home. It was 98...
Leggings 100 Baumwolle: The Truth About Pure Cotton Pants
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom tub, aggressively slathering Aquaphor onto a raging red rash behind your toddler's knees. You're exhausted. You're wondering if he ate a bad strawberry or...
Babyhose Mit Breitem Bund: Why Tiny Jeans Are A Terrible Idea
I'm staring at a pair of baby jeans. They have real copper rivets. A functional metal zipper. And a waistband that looks like it was designed for a heavily corseted Victorian doll, not a three-month-old who drinks liquid fat every...