Surviving the Dress Code: A Messy Guide to Baby Shower Guest Outfits
When my cousin got pregnant last spring, I texted three different people asking what the hell I was supposed to wear to her backyard celebration, and the responses were honestly useless. My mother-in-law told me I needed a pastel sheath...
Processing the Baby Storme News While Riding Out a Real Storm
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wedged between a vacuum cleaner and a giant cardboard box of winter coats in our windowless hallway closet, trying to keep a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a four-month-old quiet while...
The brutal code brown math of the baby 5 one piece outfit rotation
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-January. The smell hits me before the crying even starts. I'm standing over the crib in the dark, and my three-month-old has somehow managed to paint himself, the sheets, and the wall behind...
Finding the Right Medical Baby Synonym: A Parent's Guide to Stages
It was a Tuesday at 8 PM, which is basically the witching hour in the fluorescent-lit aisles of Target, and I was holding a fleece sleep sack with little grey clouds on it while silently crying into my half-empty iced...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Washcloths And Infant Bath Time
I'm currently staring at a grayish ring of curdled formula trapped in the third chin fold of my toddler. It smells vaguely like a frat house basement. My mother-in-law would probably tell me to fetch the soap and a heavy...
The Truth About Buying Utility Pants for Boys Without Losing Your Mind
There was a rhythm to my washing machine yesterday that sounded exactly like a handful of gravel tumbling around in a metal drum. Because it was a handful of gravel. I had forgotten to check the pockets of my middle...
A Letter to Myself About the Toddler Blanket Transition
You're currently staring at the glowing screen of the Motorola video monitor on your bedside table, watching as Maya attempts a sort of aggressive, synchronised swimming routine inside her 2.5 TOG sleep sack. She looks like a deeply frustrated, slightly...
The Brutal Truth About Kinder Kleider: Clothes That Actually Fit
"Buy them a size up so they get two seasons out of it," my mom told me over the phone while I was staring blankly at a rack of toddler jeans, trying to figure out if the waist looked wide...
Dressing a newborn without panicking (was ziehe ich meinem baby an)
It was 2:14 in the morning during a particularly brutal Chicago February when I found myself hovering over my two-week-old's crib, completely paralyzed by a fleece onesie. I had spent six years in pediatric nursing. I had managed ventilators, calculated...