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What I Wish I Knew Before Buying That Magical Baby Swing
It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of Target maternity leggings from 2014 that smell aggressively like sour milk, holding a lukewarm mug of yesterday’s coffee, just absolutely paralyzed while...
The Truth About the Baby Gap (Teeth, Siblings, and Panic)
Don't do what I did last Tuesday. I was sitting in my crossover outside a strip mall, staring blankly at the baby gap outlet, violently typing "baby gap near me" into my phone because my toddler blew through the knees...
The Only Things You Actually Need For A New Baby (And What To Skip)
"You absolutely need the wipe warmer," my sister-in-law hissed across the table, leaning in like she was giving me state secrets. "If a cold wipe touches that baby's bottom, you'll never sleep again." "Don't buy anything," my hippie neighbor countered...
Why the Baby Driver Cast Fooled Me on Family Movie Night
My oldest boy, Jackson, is standing dead center in the living room wearing mismatched dinosaur pajamas, clutching a half-eaten string cheese like a microphone, and staring completely wide-eyed at our television screen. It's 9:45 PM on a Friday. He's supposed...
Real Talk Baby Shower Ideas That Won't Make You Cringe
I was sitting at my kitchen island at 28 weeks pregnant with my first, staring at my phone as three completely different realities collided in my text messages. My grandma was insisting we rent out the church fellowship hall for...
That Midnight Streaming Trap Every Tired Parent Nearly Falls For
My phone lit up the nursery at 2:14 AM like a localized lightning strike. I was currently covered in what I hoped was just formula, trying to rock a teething toddler back to baseline. The text was from Sarah in...
Why Baby Reindeer is Actually a Terrible Nursery Theme (And Show)
On a random Tuesday last month, I received three completely contradictory pieces of data within the span of six hours. First, my coworker Todd slacked me a message between server deployments saying, "Dude, you gotta check out that baby reindeer...
The Truth About Raising Daughters and Surviving the Pink Explosion
The ultrasound gel was freezing, and Dave was staring at the monitor like it was a blurry weather map he didn't quite understand. I was lying there in a paper gown that was definitely tearing at the shoulder, clutching a...
The Truth About That Massive Amazon Baby Registry Checklist
I was exactly thirty-two weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting on the floor of my half-painted nursery at two in the morning, sobbing uncontrollably because a little green progress bar on my laptop told me my list was only forty...