So You're Looking for Baby Ducks for Sale? Read This First
"Just get one at Tractor Supply, it's basically a low-maintenance puppy," my neighbor confidently declared over the fence last Tuesday while watering her petunias. "They will literally coat your house in microscopic feces and your children will get dysentery," my...
Why Your Kid's Baby Doll Accessories Are Actually A Massive Deal
It was 2:15 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the living room rug in a pair of yoga pants that hadn't seen an actual yoga studio since roughly 2018. I was enormously pregnant with Leo, sweating through...
The Brutal Reality of Baby Modeling: What I Wish I Knew Beforehand
I was sweating completely through my only clean maternity bra in a strip mall off I-35 in Dallas, holding a screaming eight-month-old while twelve other perfectly coifed infants stared at us in dead, judgmental silence. My oldest son, who's now...
The Hilarious Truth About Planning a Baby Moon in the Real World
I was hunched over a Buc-ee's toilet somewhere off I-35, entirely convinced I was going to throw up my own spleen, when my husband tapped on the stall door and asked if we should start booking our baby moon. Iβm...
The Real Reason I Cried About My Baby's Name at the Hospital
I was sitting in exactly the wrong position on that terrible plastic-covered hospital mattress, wearing mesh underwear that I swear was designed as a medieval torture device, nursing a lukewarm cup of what the cafeteria boldly claimed was coffee, when...
The Absolute Chaos of Trying to Make My Kid Wear Baby Perfume
Itβs 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm standing over my bathroom sink in maternity leggings that havenβt been washed inβactually, I really don't want to know how many daysβfrantically scrubbing a tiny, furious newborn with a wet...
The Newborn Survival Guide For When You're Running On Empty
Iβm standing in the hallway at 3:14 AM, bouncing on my heels until my calves burn, holding my oldest son who's screaming like Iβve personally offended his ancestors. I keep whispering, "baby come to me, just come here, let me...
Surviving the Witching Hour: Real Talk on Baby Colic Treatments
It was 6:14 PM on a Tuesday when the switch flipped. I remember the exact time because I was staring at the microwave clock, praying for my husband's truck to pull into the driveway. My oldest was throwing goldfish crackers...
Dear past Priya: the truth about your baby changing pad setup
It's 3:14 in the morning and you're staring at a mustard-colored stain that has somehow defied gravity. The Chicago winter is rattling the windowpanes, the radiator is hissing, and you're holding a screaming infant at arm's length. Dear Priya from...