Surviving Rick James Give It To Me Baby At A Texas Barn Wedding
I was elbow-deep in a lukewarm plate of wedding brisket when the DJ decided it was time to pivot from the polite dinner music directly into the heavy hitters. You know the exact moment Iβm talking about. The twinkle lights...
Dear Past Tom: The Roblox Pill Baby is Not What You Think
You're currently standing in the kitchen, holding a half-eaten, slightly tepid fish finger, staring at your nine-year-old nephew, Leo. He has just wandered in from the living room, barely looking up from his iPad, to casually ask if he can...
Surviving Wedding Season Postpartum in a Sachin and Babi Dress
My mother-in-law told me to wear a loose silk sari and just pin the pallu strategically. My best friend told me to squeeze into medical-grade shapewear and a slip dress so I'd feel like my old pre-baby self. My postpartum...
Saline Drops for Babies: Surviving the Midnight Snot Triage
The baby monitor is a liar. It amplifies every rustle of a sleep sack until it sounds like a break-in. But at two in the morning, the sound that actually pulls you from your REM cycle is the death rattle....
Dear past Priya, please stop trying to scrub baby skin raw
You're sitting on the cold tile of our Chicago apartment bathroom. It's February, which means the air inside the apartment is roughly as humid as a saltine cracker. The green plastic infant tub is taking up the entire shower floor,...
Why I Googled Sereia Baby And Other Naming Bugs We Caught
I slammed my laptop shut so fast I nearly pinched my own fingers in the aluminum chassis, knocking over my lukewarm coffee in the process. My wife looked up from her iPad, blinking at me across the kitchen table. It...
Why I Finally Stopped Feeding My Kids Apple-Flavored Everything
I was standing in my kitchen at like 3 PM on a Tuesday, wearing the exact same black maternity leggings I had technically slept in, holding a plastic spoon covered in this neon orange sweet potato puree that somehow smelled...
Why the she gon call me baby boo meme is stressing moms out
My mother-in-law told me the twitching was a severe vitamin D deficiency. The millennial dad at the park said it was a highly sophisticated piece of Gen Alpha performance art. My pediatrician just sighed, rubbed his temples, and mumbled something...
The Bizarre Lies She Told My Baby About My Pre-Parenting Life
I watched in absolute horror as my old university friend Fiona, wearing a leather jacket that smelled faintly of stale vape smoke and regret, leaned directly into the pram and started rewriting my twenties. We were in a Costa Coffee...