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Confused dad holding his baby while looking at a smartphone screen with TikTok

Decoding The Baby Boo Meaning Youngboy TikTok Trend For Dads

Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the mid-century modern living room rug you definitely couldn't afford, obsessively logging the baby's exact milk intake into an app (4.2 ounces, up from 3.8 yesterday). The Portland rain is...

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Toddler standing near a muddy pond at a Chicago nature center

What a wild baby beaver in Chicago taught me about toddlers

We were standing ankle-deep in mysterious brown water at the North Park Village Nature Center when I saw it. The temperature was hovering around forty-eight degrees. My son had already thrown his left shoe into a patch of reeds. I...

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A chaotic bath time setup with a baby bathtub and an organic bamboo towel

Dear Past Me: Surviving The Literal Baby Bat And Bath Time Chaos

Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's exactly 7:14 PM on a Tuesday and you're currently kneeling on the damp bathroom tiles in an oversized, bleach-stained Nirvana t-shirt that you haven't washed in a week. You're dripping with lukewarm water...

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A tired dad holding two organic cotton baby onesies trying to figure out an announcement photo.

How to Survive Your Baby Announcement With Your Dignity Intact

I'm standing in our damp London garden, holding two helium balloons shaped like the numbers one and two, while my wife tries to gently coax our neurotic rescue greyhound into wearing a chalkboard sign around his neck. The sign says...

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Twin toddlers reaching for a mobile phone on a messy living room table

Why the Baby Alien Fan Bus Search Trap Ruined My Tuesday Morning

The iPad was smeared with a mixture of dribble and what I desperately hope was Marmite, sitting dangerously close to the edge of the kitchen island. It was 6:15 on a Tuesday morning, it was raining in that aggressively persistent...

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Confused dad looking at a spreadsheet of baby names while holding a teething infant in Portland.

How The AGT Winner Jessica Sanchez Baby Name Wrecked My Math

Don't, under any circumstances, try to write a Python script that scrapes the Social Security Administration database to find a moniker with a mathematically perfect syllable-to-vowel ratio. This is a terrible way to name a human. I know this because...

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A very confused mom holding a baby while looking at a smartphone

My Kids, The Ice Age Baby Meme, and Freezing Winter Survival

Let me tell you about the exact moment I realized I was officially old and entirely unprepared for both internet culture and actual, literal winter. It was like, negative three degrees outside on a Tuesday in January, I was wearing...

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An exhausted dad sitting in a dark nursery while an 11-month-old baby stands in a crib.

Surviving Our Real Boss Baby and Who Actually Voices The Movie

My mom told me that if I didn't establish dominance on day one, the baby would rule our house forever. The barista down the street confidently informed me that I need to surrender to his flow and let the infant...

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A stressed dad looking at a smart speaker while holding a baby

The Smart Speaker Disaster and Finding Safe Lil Baby Songs

My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Thanksgiving to explain that if I didn't play Mozart for my son at exactly 432 hertz, his neural pathways would fail to optimize for advanced calculus. The next day, the barista at...

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