The Fat Chinese Baby Meme and My Newborn Overfeeding Panic
I'm sitting in the dark at 2:14 AM, the harsh glow of my smartphone illuminating a fresh patch of spit-up on my gray hoodie. My 11-month-old son is asleep in his crib, breathing perfectly normally, while I'm deep-diving into the...
The Four Seasons Orlando Baby and Other Internet Lies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo while Florence tries to forcefully feed a damp oatcake to the Wi-Fi router. Matilda is sitting on the rug, entirely naked from the waist down, staring at...
Furry Babies: Managing Pets, Pretend Play, and Tiny Humans
I was standing on my front porch sweating through my postpartum pads, clutching my three-day-old son like he was a live grenade, while my 80-pound lab mix, Buster, hurled his entire body against the glass storm door. The dog was...
The brutal truth about buying baby boy shoes for early walkers
My mother-in-law showed up on a Tuesday with stiff leather high-tops because she said my son's ankles were going to collapse without support. An hour later, a mom influencer on my feed claimed that putting anything other than raw, unbleached...
Why Every Mom is Obsessed With the Baby Pygmy Hippo
I was sitting on my living room floor at 2:14 AM last Tuesday, surrounded by half-folded shipping boxes for my Etsy shop, nursing my youngest, and watching a video of a baby pygmy hippo aggressively gumming a zookeeper's knee. And...
Throw Away the Weekly Milestone App Before You Lose Your Mind
I was sitting on the bath mat at 2:14 AM, the harsh blue light of my phone illuminating the absolute panic on my face while my oldest, Leo, slept in the next room. I was staring at the glowing screen...
How A Weird Little Platypus Baby Cured My Milestone Anxiety
I was sitting on the freezing hexagonal tiles of our extremely cramped downstairs bathroom at 3:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's gym shorts that Iβd aggressively rolled up at the waist and a nursing tank covered in what I...
Debugging the photoshoot: When taking baby photos goes wrong
I'm balancing precariously on a plastic step stool, my phone hovering exactly 28 inches above the crib mattress, sweat pooling in the small of my back. Below me, my 11-month-old son is thrashing like a malfunctioning animatronic, actively destroying the...
Why I'm Raising My Panda Baby Without the Helicopter Hover
I'm currently watching my two-year-old drag a heavy oak dining chair all the way across the linoleum, wedge it violently against the kitchen island, and attempt to scale it like he's summiting Everest for a rogue Goldfish cracker that has...