Why Everyone Lies About Receiving Blankets On Baby Registries
I was exactly twenty-three weeks pregnant with my oldest, standing in the middle of a big box store aisle in town with that little plastic registry scanner gun, staring at a four-pack of flannel squares while my mom insisted we...
Surviving Baby Clothing Stores Without Losing Your Damn Mind
It was 7:45 PM on a random Tuesday in 2016, and I was standing in aisle four of one of those massive, fluorescent-lit baby clothing stores, eight months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a mustard-stained maternity tank top. My husband,...
The baby registry target reality check: What you actually need
"You don't need anything except a box of diapers and some onesies," my mother-in-law announced over her Pinot Grigio at my baby shower, which was aggressively unhelpful considering I was already sweating through my maternity leggings. Then my best friend...
The brutal reality of picking baby shower invitations for a girl
I was twenty-six weeks pregnant, eating fruit antacids like they were candy, staring at my laptop at two in the morning. The screen was a sea of aggressively pink digital paper. The search query was simple enough. I was just...
The Babies R Us Registry Panic: A Letter to My Anxious Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the driverβs seat of your Subaru in the parking lot of a Kohlβs, wearing those black leggings that have the weird hole near the knee, and you're literally vibrating...
The Only Baby Registry List That Won't Make You Lose Your Mind
I was sitting on the surprisingly sticky linoleum floor in aisle 14 of Target, holding one of those plastic registry scanner guns like it was a literal weapon, and I was openly weeping. It was a Tuesday. I was seven...
The 2 AM Envelope Meltdown and Other Baby Shower Realities
It was exactly 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room rug wearing my husbandβs stained college sweatpants, aggressively stress-eating cold leftover macaroni and cheese out of a Tupperware container. Spread out around me were...
Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Overcomplicating the Baby Registry
You're currently sweating through your vintage Timbers hoodie, keeping nineteen browser tabs open, hovering your cursor over an "Add to Cart" button for a Bluetooth-enabled diaper pail. I need you to step away from the keyboard. It's me. Future Marcus....
What Is A Baby Shower (And Why I Was Totally Wrong About Them)
I'm currently staring at a spreadsheet I built eleven months ago titled Baby_Shower_V1_Final.xlsx. My original strategy for figuring out what's a baby shower was to treat it like a vendor procurement meeting. I thought we could just email our friends...