A Tech Dad's Guide to Baby Music and Debugging the Mozart Myth
It's 3:14 AM, and my Apple Watch is actively warning me that the ambient noise in our nursery has breached 85 decibels. Baby M is mid-meltdown, his face the exact color of a system-critical error screen, while I frantically swipe...
Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood
It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...
Uncle Baby Billy: How my toddler found HBO at 3am
It's precisely 3:14 in the morning, a time I'm intimately familiar with because it's the exact hour the ambient temperature in our London flat drops just enough to offend my twin daughters. Florence is currently wedged sideways across my chest,...
The Accidental Winnie the Pooh Baby Shower Guide for Anxious Dads
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo. I know this because I'm you, and I remember the exact texture of the bathmat you're presently sitting on while trying to escape the chaos of your...
When The Grandparents Bring Over Their 1980s Death Trap Baby Gear
I was wearing my husbandβs stained grey sweatpants, the ones with the mysterious hole near the left knee, standing in my driveway at 10 AM on a Tuesday while clutching a mug of coffee I had already microwaved three times....
Why I Finally Caved and Bought a Baby DJ Table for the Twins
It's 5:42 AM. Rain is hammering against the single-glazed window of our London flat, and Maya has just discovered the 'drop' button. Chloe, entirely unfazed by the sudden burst of electronic reggaeton, is rhythmically gumming the edge of the plastic...
Rewatching The 1994 Film Babys Day Out Broke My Parent Brain
I'm pausing the TV at exactly the 24-minute mark to go check the tensile strength of our front door's deadbolt. My wife is staring at the ceiling from the couch, audibly wondering why I can't just enjoy a movie like...
The Cry Baby Cast Reality Check: Screen Time vs Real Tears
When my son hit six weeks old, my mother-in-law told me to rub brandy on his gums. My neighbor swore by putting him in a vibrating chair on top of a running washing machine. The doctor suggested I just put...
How To Survive An Actual Baby's Day Out Without The Slapstick
It was precisely 10:14 AM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the parking lot of a suburban Target wearing gray yoga pants that had a highly suspicious yellow stain near the left knee, crying into...