Parenting 101: Why Did Galactus Want the Baby? (A Dad's Take)
It was 3:14 in the morning on a aggressively damp Tuesday when I found myself standing in the kitchen, gently swaying Twin A while attempting to read Marvel lore on my phone at twelve percent brightness. She was doing an...
Alexa, Stop: Navigating The Yes Baby Madison Beer Lyrics Trap
Dear Jess from last October. I know you're currently up to your elbows in mismatched socks, feeling pretty smug because the kids are actually playing quietly in the den for once. You think you've got this whole mothering-three-kids-under-five thing figured...
Watching Sorry Baby 2025 Made Me Terrified of the Teen Years
I'm sitting in seat F4 at the Alamo Drafthouse down the street, my hand frozen halfway to my mouth holding a cluster of completely cold, slightly soggy truffle popcorn that I don't even really want anymore. It's 8:15 PM on...
The Truth About The Sims 4 Sugar Baby Mod
The milk was boiling over on my sister's stove when I saw it. I was standing in her Chicago kitchen, bouncing my toddler on my hip while trying to salvage the chai, and her fourteen-year-old stepdaughter was clicking away on...
Dear Past Me: Please Put Down the Shrek Baby Costume and Walk Away
Dear Priya from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in the seasonal aisle at Target. You haven't slept in three days. You're holding a deeply flammable polyester green ogre costume and furiously Googling if infants can watch early 2000s...
That Santa Baby Kim Kardashian Video vs Our Real Holiday Chaos
I was standing dead in the center of my mother-in-law's aggressively pine-scented living room in December 2017, wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that still had a crusty white streak of spit-up down the left thigh, clutching a mug...
Why the pretty baby 1978 aesthetic is ruining modern motherhood
I spent three hours last Tuesday trying to wedge a screaming four-month-old into a neutral-toned, structured linen romper just so my mother-in-law wouldn't text me about how unkempt her granddaughter looked in my Instagram stories. The romper had eight tiny...
Why Googling Playboi Carti's Baby Boi at 3 AM is a Parenting Mistake
There I was, balancing a dangerously lukewarm oat flat white on my knee at the Greenwich park swings, trying to pretend I still possessed a shred of cultural relevance. The dad pushing his toddler next to meβa bloke wearing immaculate...
Why The Peppa Pig Baby Gender Reveal Sent Me Into a Tailspin
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the faded blue IKEA rug in the den. You're wearing those grey sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, drinking coffee that went cold two hours...