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Why I Stopped Trusting the Internet About Early Development Toys
When my son was about four days old, my mother-in-law bought us a plastic command center that flashed strobe lights and yelled the alphabet in a robotic British accent. "He needs cognitive stimulation," she told me with absolute certainty. The...
Exposing the Real Job of a Brand Ambassador in the Baby World
I was sitting on my living room rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, trying to bribe my screaming toddler with a half-eaten graham cracker so he would hold a wooden rattle for exactly three seconds. The natural...
The Great Bath Time Scam: What To Actually Put On Infant Skin
I was standing in aisle 14 of Target at 8:47 PM on a Tuesday, wearing my husbandβs paint-stained sweatpants and aggressively clutching a lukewarm oat milk latte. My phone was vibrating out of my hand with three different text threads....
The Truth About Why Your Baby Ignores Their Expensive Playthings
It was December 2017, and my oldest, Leo, was exactly six months old. I remember this vividly because I was wearing black maternity leggings that smelled vaguely of spit-up and a nursing bra I hadn't washed inβyou know what, let's...
A Letter To Past Me About The Great Baby Soap Delusion Of 2023
Dear Tom of six months ago. I see you standing in the baby aisle at Boots at 4:30 PM on a dreary Tuesday. You're holding a bottle of lavender-scented, midnight-calming, ultra-foaming wash in your left hand, and a Β£24 artisanal...
Baby Sunscreen: The Messy Truth About Mineral Paste Deployment
For the first six months of my daughter's life, I operated under the delusion that a standard Portland overcast day was basically nature's SPF. I figured the thick gray blanket of clouds hanging over the city was a built-in forcefield...
The Truth About That Heirloom Crochet Blanket Pattern
It was, like, 3 AM on a Tuesday in 2017 and I was sitting on my living room rug wearing my husbandβs stained gray college sweatpants, completely tangled in mint green yarn. I was seven months pregnant with Maya and...
Why Finding the Right Baby Lotion Feels Like Diffusing a Bomb
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen when the twins were four days old, wielding a tub of something that smelled violently of synthetic lavender, insisting I needed to grease them up immediately lest they turn into dust. Two hours...
The Brutally Honest Truth About Buying Bamboo Pajamas For Kids
It's two in the morning, and I'm aggressively wrestling my screaming, slippery nine-month-old back into a rigid fleece onesie while my husband holds a cell phone flashlight in his mouth so we don't wake the toddlers in the next room....