Magazine
Dear Jess: Stop buying the velvet holiday dresses for your baby
It's currently July, you're sweating completely through your maternity shorts in the hundred-degree Texas heat, and for some ungodly reason, you're scrolling the internet looking at a stiff, synthetic red velvet monstrosity with eighty-two sequins on it. I need you...
The Truth About Fall Baby Clothes (And What Actually Works)
The biggest lie the internet ever told us about fall is that your infant needs to look like a miniature adult lumberjack. I'm just gonna be real with you, the idea of stuffing a four-month-old into a tiny, stiff denim...
The ugly truth about that neon plastic baby play gym you just bought
I was sitting cross-legged on my living room rug at three in the morning, holding a screwdriver and weeping quietly over a piece of molded plastic that required four D batteries. The box promised it would stimulate my newborn's cognitive...
Dear Past Priya: The Clinical Reality of Baby Clothes Shopping
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently standing in the glow of a cracked iPhone screen at 3:14 AM. You're holding a newborn who just produced a blowout that somehow breached the known laws of physics, and you're staring...
Why buying boys dress pants is a specific kind of modern torture
I'm currently wedged next to the sanitary bin in the disabled toilet of a twelfth-century Surrey church, sweating completely through my only clean wedding suit, attempting to wrestle a screaming two-year-old into a pair of miniature, fiercely rigid navy slacks....
The truth about newborn teething rings and endless drool
"Just rub a little bit of whisky on her gums, thatβs what we did with you," my dad suggested, watching Mabel gnaw furiously on her own fist at a Sunday roast. "No, you need a Baltic amber necklace, but only...
My Sweaty Journey to Find the Best Cooling Blanket for Babies
It's three in the morning in mid-July. The ancient window AC unit in my Chicago apartment is rattling like a dying lawnmower, and my toddler is plastered to my left side. He feels like a baked potato fresh out of...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Actually Useful New Baby Gifts
I'm staring at a pair of infant converse sneakers. They're the size of a jalapeΓ±o. They have actual, functional laces. Someone spent real money on these at a baby shower last weekend, and I know exactly where they're going to...
Debugging Your Kid's Wardrobe: The Ultimate Graphic Baby Tee
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had seventeen browser tabs open, deeply confused about how the internet works. Leo, my 11-month-old son, had finally entered a sleep cycle that didn't involve him kicking me in the ribs,...