Magazine
The Great Sippy Cup Betrayal: Finding A Safe Baby Cup That Works
I was sitting on my sister's beige sofaβand really, who buys a beige sofa when they've a toddler and a dog?βat Thanksgiving a few years ago when the great cup wars began. I was holding Leo, who was exactly six...
The Truth About Baby Cowgirl Boots (And My Epic Buying Mistakes)
It was October 2018. I was standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of violently mustard-colored corduroy overalls that I thought made me look like a cool Brooklyn mom but actually made me look like a giant toddler, chugging lukewarm...
The Truth About Baby Clams: A Panicked Parent's Feeding Guide
My mother-in-law firmly believes that giving any form of seafood to a child under the age of five will result in instant, spontaneous combustion. Meanwhile, a bloke I met at the playground in Greenwichβwho was wearing barefoot shoes and feeding...
My Humbling Defeat to the Baby Bubble Romper: A Tech Dad's Guide
Tuesday, 2:14 PM. That was the exact timestamp on my smart home logs when I realized trying to wrangle rigid denim onto a screaming eleven-month-old is a foolproof way to break your own spirit. My wife was at a conference,...
The weird truth about keeping your infant son warm this winter
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, standing in a freezing Chicago parking lot, violently arguing with my mother on speakerphone about wool. She was convinced my unborn beta would instantly freeze to death the moment we left the maternity ward unless...
The Brutal Truth About $35 Baby Bamboo Pajamas: Are They Worth It?
I'm currently staring at four massive plastic bins in my attic labeled "0-6 Months," completely overflowing with stiff, cheap cotton zip-ups that my oldest son wore for exactly two and a half weeks each before his little sausage toes blew...
A Dad's Guide to Smoking Baby Back Ribs for Tiny Humans
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently standing on the back patio in the Portland drizzle. You have a pair of metal tongs in one hand and your phone in the other, aggressively Googling Traeger recipes. Inside, your...
Why The Baby Ashlee Nudes Color Trend Needs To Stop Right Now
I was elbow-deep in a laundry basket full of aggressively beige clothing yesterday when my grandma called to ask why my youngest always looks like a Victorian orphan on my Instagram stories. I had to laugh, mostly to keep from...
Why most baby rings belong in the trash and the gear you actually need
I was scrolling social media at two in the morning while nursing a furious six-month-old when I saw it. A literal infant floating in a bathtub with an inflatable plastic inner tube strapped around his neck. The caption said something...