Magazine
Best Bottles for Breastfed Babies: A Messy Transition Story
We were sitting in booth 42 at the Olive Garden off Interstate 35, and I was actively ruining everyone's lunch. My oldest son was four weeks old, screaming at a pitch that I'm pretty sure shattered a breadstick, and my...
A Letter to Myself About That Viral Celebrity Baby Drama
3:14 AM. The baby is doing that rhythmic, glitchy half-cry that usually precedes a full system meltdown, and instead of checking the thermostatβwhich I've strictly calibrated to 68.5 degreesβor logging his last feeding into the overly complex Notion database I...
To My Past Self: Troubleshooting the Coppertone Baby Dilemma
It's currently 94 degrees in Portland, and I'm hiding under a nylon pop-up canopy at Laurelhurst Park, desperately tracking my son's core temperature while he aggressively tries to eat a handful of dry woodchips. I'm writing this to you, Marcus...
The Coughing Baby Survival Guide: From Panic To Grudging Acceptance
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at half past three in the morning, completely fully clothed, with the shower running at maximum heat. The room is so thick with steam that the mirror is dripping onto the toothpaste tube,...
A Late Night Deep Dive Into Pop Culture and Sensory Needs
Dear Marcus of exactly 182 days ago, It's currently 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The nursery thermostat reads exactly 68.4 degrees, which Sarah insists is the best thermal environment, though the humidity has drifted to 48%, so who even knows...
The Messy Truth About That Cry Baby Doll You're Thinking of Buying
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the middle of Target, heavily pregnant with number three, staring at a wall of wide-eyed, plastic toys in fuzzy animal onesies while convincing yourself this is the magic bullet for...
Dear Jess: Surviving Colic and Why We Watch Cry-Baby 1990 Now
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum of the laundry room floor at 3:14 AM. The dryer is tumbling a single wet towel just to generate enough white noise to drown out the ringing...
Otaku Parenting and the Messy Reality of Cute Anime Baby Trends
My sister-in-law cornered me at a family barbecue, holding a dripping hot dog that was dangerously close to my sweater, to insist that if I didn't dress four-month-old Leo in a full Naruto outfit for his first official photos, I...
The Messy Truth About Raising Cute Babies (And Surviving The Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was trying to wrestle a screaming, four-day-old Leo out of a stiff, scratchy mustard-yellow linen romper that had, like, seventeen tiny wooden buttons. I was sweating through my nursing bra. My...