The Burn Baby Burn Reality Check: Why Your Coffee is the Enemy
I'm currently standing in the exact centre of my kitchen, holding a mug of aggressively hot black coffee directly above my head like I'm presenting Simba to the animal kingdom, while two toddlers attempt to scale my pyjama trousers. This...
Surviving the Kitchen Disco: The Truth About Your Dancing Baby
Before the twins arrived, I received three distinct, entirely contradictory pieces of unsolicited advice regarding music and infants. The frighteningly intense instructor at our antenatal class warned us that bouncing a child incorrectly to a beat could permanently traumatize their...
Reading Detransition Baby Changed How I Look at Modern Motherhood
I'm literally sitting on my hideous green velvet sofa at 5:43 AM, aggressively scrubbing a splotch of hardened spit-up off the crinkly plastic dust jacket of a library book. I'm wearing my husband Markβs oversized college sweatpantsβthe ones with a...
Why Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby? (The Clingy Phase)
I was standing at the kitchen island yesterday, attempting to eat a cold piece of toast while packing up a stack of orders for my Etsy shop, when my grandmother dropped the classic line she always reserves for moments of...
What Drake And Sophie Taught Me About Co-Parenting A Toddler
Dear Priya of last October. You're currently sitting on the cold bathroom tiles at 3 am. The baby is finally asleep in his crib after an hour of triage-level screaming, and you're stress-scrolling through celebrity gossip on your phone in...
Why I Finally Caved to the Organic Baby Face Balm Craze
Itβs Tuesday, somewhere around 3 PM, and I'm currently pinned to the nursery rug by a twenty-four-pound toddler who's thrashing her head side-to-side like a cornered badger to avoid the muslin cloth Iβm wielding. Her twin sister is watching from...
How to Actually Troubleshoot Your Way to an Fantastic Baby
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively mocking my sanity against the bedroom window, and my 11-month-old was throwing a massive runtime error. I had tried the bouncing walk, the aggressive shushing, the weird yoga-ball-hip-sway...
Decoding the "Baby Cute" Phase: A Tech Dad's Honest Survival Guide
I've got exactly four seconds before my eleven-month-old daughter realizes I've stopped bouncing on this incredibly deflated yoga ball. She's currently staring at the ceiling fan with the kind of intense, unblinking focus usually reserved for high-frequency algorithmic trading, while...
Choosing the Perfect Baby Costume Without Losing Your Mind
It was late October, and I was standing in the middle of a crowded Target aisle, sweating profusely into a stretched-out grey maternity tank top I still couldn't stop wearing. I had a screaming four-month-old Leo in one arm and...