Surviving the Frilly Nightmare of Cute Baby Girl Clothes
I'm currently standing in the disabled toilet of a Costa Coffee in Wandsworth, staring in abject horror at my daughterβs back. She is wearing a gift from a well-meaning great-auntβa vintage-style, sage green dress featuring no fewer than fourteen microscopic...
The Completely Unfiltered Reality Behind the Cute Baby Aesthetic
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing an oversized, pill-covered grey fleece robe that smelled violently of sour milk and desperation. My daughter Maya was exactly seven weeks old. I was holding her...
Is Cry Baby John Waters For Kids? (Plus Actual Infant Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pretty sure I was hallucinating. Leo was six weeks old and screaming like I was actively harming him, his tiny face turning a shade of purple I didn't know existed...
Skip the 90s Movie: How to Actually Soothe a Screaming Baby
It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing barefoot on the cold linoleum of my kitchen, frantically typing into my phone with my left thumb while my right arm is going completely numb from holding a rigid, screaming infant. In my sleep-deprived delusion,...
Surviving the evening screams with your sanity mostly intact
There was a specific time, 6:13 PM to be exact, when the atmosphere in our London flat would shift from manageable chaos to complete psychological warfare. You could set a watch by it. The girls would be lying there, looking...
The Real Truth About That Free Baby Dragon Emote Code Situation
My mom told me to take the iPad, wrap it in a beach towel, and bury it in the backyard next to the old pecan tree where the dogs couldn't dig it up. Tyler, the sixteen-year-old neighbor who comes over...
Why I Applied Chinese Baby Traditions to My British Twins
It was 9:47 PM on a Tuesday, roughly four months before our lives permanently imploded, when my wifeβwho was at that point roughly the size and shape of a medium family carβaggressively tapped her phone screen and demanded I calculate...
Navigating The CD Baby Login Confusion And Infant Auditory Rules
I was sitting on my laundry room floor at two in the morning with my oldest, trying to drown out his colic screams by frantically scrolling through my phone. My mom had just texted me, "Bless his heart, just get...
Who Is In The Oho Enthan Baby Cast? And Other Screen Time Realities
My mother-in-law swears that blasting Bollywood musicals while a baby sleeps builds character and deepens their REM cycle. The senior charge nurse from my pediatric rotation used to tell mothers that a single exposure to a glowing screen before age...