Surviving Baby's First Halloween Without the Scratchy Tears
I was standing in the middle of a damp Texas pumpkin patch in 2019, wrestling my oldest out of a $65 synthetic lion suit while he screamed loud enough to wake the dead. The zipper was stuck in a tuft...
The Great Staircase Panic: A Messy Guide to Baby Gates
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, I was wearing one wool sock and one ankle sock, and I had my back turned to the living room for exactly four seconds to pour my second cup of coffee....
What The Baby Garnet Case Taught Me About Postpartum Survival
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold bathroom floor at 3:14 AM. You're wearing Dave’s oversized gray fleece—the one from college that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation—and you're staring at the grout lines...
The Portland Backyard Bug: Debugging Encounters with Baby Animals
I'm standing in my perpetually damp Portland backyard at 6:15 AM, holding a lukewarm mug of coffee like a shield, while my 11-month-old son, Leo, points a chubby, sticky finger at what appears to be a vibrating pile of dead...
Why the "It's Just a Cold" Myth is Dangerous for Infants
It was December 2019, I was running on exactly three hours of sleep and half a pot of lukewarm Folgers, wearing a hideous green sweater that already smelled like sour breastmilk, when Dave's aunt Linda peered into four-month-old Leo's car...
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Nanit Baby Monitor System
When I was pregnant with my first, I got three entirely different pieces of advice about watching your kid sleep in the span of one afternoon. My mom, bless her heart, told me to just leave the bedroom door cracked...
Why my baby due date calculator was a massive, statistical lie
The bathroom tile was unforgivingly cold against my bare feet, but I barely noticed because I was staring at a plastic stick with two faint blue lines, desperately stabbing at my phone screen. I had just Googled "baby due date...
Sada Baby? More Like Sad Baby: How To Survive The Newborn Phase
It's 3:17 AM. My living room smells like a combination of sour milk, stale coffee, and pure, unfiltered desperation. I'm wearing Matt's old college sweatpants with a mysterious bleach stain on the knee, and I'm holding a four-week-old Leo who's...
Waiting For A Giggle: When Do Babies Actually Start Laughing?
Right now, you're standing in the middle of the living room wearing a bright yellow plastic colander on your head while rhythmically striking a wooden spoon against your thigh. You're sweating through a t-shirt that smells faintly of sour milk...