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Dear Past Me: What Pete Davidson Actually Got Right About Newborns
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting in the Target parking lot in your embarrassingly stained yoga pants, drinking a lukewarm latte and having a full-blown panic attack. Your best friend just texted that she's officially going into...
The truth behind the prom night dumpster baby joke and your teen
I was charting in the pediatric ER when I heard that awful cartoon musical number playing from a teenager's phone in the waiting room. You know the one. A catchy little tune about a newborn left in the trash after...
What Keke Palmer Baby Daddy Drama Taught Me About Boundaries
I'm sitting on the cold tile floor of my sisterβs bathroom at 2 AM, wearing yesterdayβs yoga pants with a weird yogurt stain on the knee, holding a lukewarm cup of coffee I've literally microwaved three times. My sister is...
I Can Be Your Hero Baby: Why the Supermom Myth is Total Trash
I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, elbow-deep in cold dishwater and crusted oatmeal, when my throwback playlist shuffled to Enrique Iglesias. Right as he dramatically whispered that he can be your hero, baby, I actually snorted so loud...
How I Finally Learned To Say Don't Worry Baby To My Own Brain
I was hunched over the bassinet at 3:14 AM with my phone flashlight covered by two of my fingers, desperately counting the seconds between my oldest son's breaths. I had convinced myself that because he paused his breathing for seven...
What the Dijon Baby Album Got Right About New Parent Anxiety
It was 2:13 AM, and my husband was sitting on the edge of the bathtub just staring at the tile grout while our oldestβwho's basically a walking cautionary tale for why you shouldn't blindly trust anything you read in a...
Did Jessica Sanchez Finally Have Her Baby? A Postpartum Warning
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of our terribly drafted London flat, attempting to assemble a twin nursing pillow that looks like a life raft, while your wife glowers at you from her birthing...
A Letter to Myself About That Viral Celebrity Baby Drama
3:14 AM. The baby is doing that rhythmic, glitchy half-cry that usually precedes a full system meltdown, and instead of checking the thermostatβwhich I've strictly calibrated to 68.5 degreesβor logging his last feeding into the overly complex Notion database I...
Why my toddler's search for baby hotline lyrics gave me a heart attack
It's 6:13 AM on a Tuesday, and my left knee is submerged in what I can only hope is lukewarm porridge. Twin A, who I'm increasingly convinced is an agent of chaos sent to test my blood pressure, has somehow...