Before and After: Surviving the Panic of Your Kid's Baby Steps
I'm sitting on the floor of our living room. Itβs a Tuesday in late 2021, and I'm wearing a pair of black leggings that have a mystery yogurt stain crusted onto the left knee. My son, Leo, who's thirteen months...
Why "hit me baby one more time" is my parenting reality
Last Tuesday at our local library's rhythm and rhyme session, Florence landed a shockingly accurate left hook directly onto my nose just as we were gearing up for the second verse of The Wheels on the Bus. The elderly librarian...
Is Erika Kirk Expecting a Baby? The AI Rumours I Totally Believed
I was attempting to chisel a cement-like layer of yesterday's Weetabix off the highchair tray at 6:14 AM when the notification slid across my phone screen. Twin A was systematically dismantling the dog's bed, and Twin B was crying because...
What I Learned Debugging Life With Baby Pigs
I'm currently sitting on the kitchen linoleum at 3:14 AM with a laser thermometer in one hand and a syringe of milk replacer in the other. My 11-month-old daughter is finally asleep upstairs after a brutal teething episode, and I'm...
The Theater Beta Test: Bringing an 11-Month-Old to the Movies
I was standing under the dripping marquee of the Hollywood Theatre here in Portland, staring at the decibel meter app on my Apple Watch while my 11-month-old daughter Maya actively tried to chew off the zipper of my rain jacket....
Dear Past Jess: What You Actually Need To Know About Baby Clipart
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the laundry room linoleum, crying over a jammed HP inkjet printer while your oldest screams because his socks "feel spicy" and the baby is aggressively cluster feeding. You just wanted...
Why Searching For A Baby Boy Movie Is A Terrible Weekend Idea
It was 6:14 AM on a Sunday, the coffee hasn't kicked in, and my 11-month-old son was aggressively trying to dismantle the living room router. I just wanted twenty minutes of peace. I grabbed the Apple TV remote, typed "baby...
Letter to Past Me: How to Survive the Real-Life Baby Boss Phase
Itβs 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor wearing the grey sweatpants with the mystery yogurt stain on the left thigh, clutching a mug of tepid French roast like itβs a...
The Toddler Nepo Baby: Surviving Sandpit Privilege
"Get them into St. Jude's nursery now by calling your Aunt Susan," my mother-in-law hissed over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey last Tuesday, as if we were discussing a covert military op rather than a place where kids eat...