Choosing an Easter Outfit Baby Girl Twins Won't Immediately Destroy
My index finger was entirely trapped in a web of cheap, synthetic tulle, and Florence was screaming with the specific, piercing pitch of a kettle that has been left to boil for far too long. We were exactly twenty minutes...
Surviving Our Twins' First Spring Holidays in Tulle and Panic
It's the second Tuesday of March, and I'm sweating profusely in the middle of a high street boutique, holding a hanger that looks like it was designed for a slightly malnourished doll. I'm trying to decipher if a garment optimistically...
Letter to past me: finding an easter outfit baby boy will tolerate
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently standing in the toddler section of Macy's on State Street, staring at a three-piece tweed suit made for a human who can't yet walk. You're sweating through your scrubs after a twelve-hour...
The Truth About Gifting an October 24th Birthday Twin
My mother-in-law unzipped her floral weekender bag and pulled out a vacuum-sealed plastic pouch with the solemnity of someone handling a transplant organ. Inside was a slightly crushed, orange and black plush cat. She had spent three weeks scouring the...
The Complete Dad Guide to Surviving Baby Girl Easter Outfits
The great tulle disaster of last month taught me a very hard lesson about infant formalwear. My wife was out with friends, and I decided to run a beta test on a highly structured, aggressively ruffled dress my mother-in-law sent...
Balcones Baby Blue 750ml: What Parents Actually Need to Know
My husband walked into the kitchen when Maya was exactly three weeks old, holding a heavy brown paper bag by the neck. He had this proud, exhausted smile on his face, the kind you only see on new fathers who...
Before You Buy That Baby Girl Thanksgiving Outfit, Read This
It's 2019, and I'm wedged between the toilet and the bathtub in my mother-in-law's guest bathroom, sweating through my own maternity sweater. I'm desperately trying to peel a rigid, glittery tulle turkey dress off my screaming four-month-old. The giblet gravy...
Debugging the Perfect Baby Easter Outfit for Spring Photos
Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's exactly 10:14 AM on a Sunday. You're currently standing in Mayaβs parents' sunlit living room in Southeast Portland, holding an eleven-month-old infant who's violently attempting to ingest a handful of synthetic purple Easter...
Surviving the Holidays: The Truth About Baby Boy Christmas Outfits
I'm sitting on the floor of my sister-in-law's guest room in Naperville, sweating entirely through a silk blouse. It's December 24th, two years ago. I'm holding a rigid, red velvet baby blazer that costs more than my own winter coat,...