Surviving the Late-Night Chaos of Baby Shower Cookies
It was 2:13 AM and I was standing in my kitchen wearing my husband's college sweatpants and a nursing tank that definitely smelled like sour milk, holding a piping bag of pale yellow icing that was supposed to look like...
Exactly What to Write on Baby Shower Card Without Stressing
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of the F-150 outside the Methodist church fellowship hall, sweating clean through your only halfway decent maternity-friendly dress. The baby shower starts in exactly four minutes. You...
Debugging Baby Gift Baskets: What Sleep-Deprived Parents Need
Itβs 3:14 AM. I'm holding a screaming, seven-pound potato in one arm while desperately trying to rip through industrial-grade cellophane with my teeth. The target? A tiny tube of diaper cream buried at the absolute center of one of the...
Stop Writing Terrifying Advice In Your Baby Shower Cards
Picture this. You're trapped on a velvet armchair in a room that smells aggressively of buttercream and eucalyptus. Twenty women, ranging from your childhood best friend to your partnerβs distant aunt, are staring at you. You're sweating through your maternity...
The Real Guide to Throwing a Baby Sprinkle That Isn't Tacky
When I got pregnant with my second, I received three completely contradictory pieces of advice in the span of forty-eight hours. My mom, sipping her sweet iced tea on my porch, told me that having a party for a second...
The Truth About Baby Shower Party Favors People Actually Want
I was standing by the industrial trash can at the local VFW hall last weekend, double-fisting a lukewarm sweet tea and a paper plate of dry sheet cake, watching my cousin's friends secretly dump their party gifts. They were doing...
The End of Humiliating Baby Shower Games (And What to Do Instead)
Five years ago, I stood in a drafty village hall in Surrey, holding a plastic cup of warm sparkling wine, watching my sister-in-law unwrap a massive ball of clingfilm while wearing a blindfold. Someone shoved a disposable nappy under my...
Dear Past Me: The Real Truth About That Local Baby Boutique
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. I'm writing this to you because I know exactly where you're standing right now. You're in the middle of the fluorescent-lit hellscape of a massive big-box store's baby section, and you're sweating profusely...
Surviving the drama of your baby's first christmas ornament
I was sitting on the floor of our freezing Chicago apartment with a vacuum in one hand and a bleeding thumb in the other. My mother-in-law had just left. Her gift had lasted exactly four seconds out of the tissue...