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The Kewpie Baby Obsession: A Letter to My Sleep-Deprived Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. Yeah, you. The one currently standing in aisle four of the Sleepy Hollow Antique Mall, wearing those black maternity leggings that have literally lost all their elasticity, clutching your third lukewarm coffee of...
The Truth About the Digital Dinosaur Taking Over My Living Room
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing Dave's old college sweatpantsβthe grey ones with a literal hole in the left kneeβand holding my third cup of coffee, which is already lukewarm. Leo, my four-year-old, is...
The Brutal Truth About If Your Old Beanie Babies Are Worth Money
My mom hauled a dust-caked Rubbermaid tub down from her attic last Thanksgiving, slapped the lid with a triumphant thud, and announced she was handing over my children's college tuition. We were standing in the garage, dodging wasps, while she...
What Bridget Jonesβs Baby Got Wrong About Real Parenting
Don't, under any circumstances, boot up Bridget Jonesβs Baby at 11 PM on a Tuesday when your wife is 34 weeks pregnant and already convinced every random abdominal twinge is a catastrophic system failure. I learned this the hard way....
Brooke Shields Pretty Baby: A Dad's 3 AM Digital Privacy Spiral
The digital clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM. The rhythmic, tiny puffs of air from my 11-month-old daughter were hitting my collarbone like a metronome. She had finally stopped fighting her sleep cycle, her tiny system crashing after what...
Mom Truths: Those Brooklyn Baby Lana Del Rey Lyrics Explained
It was 2017. Maya was roughly six months old, and I was sitting on the severely scratched hardwood floor of our third-floor walk-up in Park Slope. My hair was twisted into a greasy topknot that was probably 40 percent dry...
How to Survive the Cartoon Baby Phase Without Losing Your Mind
Three days after we brought Leo home from the hospital, my mother came over, took one look at my unwashed hair, and told me to just prop him in a bouncy seat in front of some classical music animation so...
The 90s Crack Baby Myth: What Prenatal Exposure Actually Means
When my cousin adopted a beautiful little girl from the grow system, the unsolicited opinions rolled in like a bitter Chicago winter storm. A neighborhood aunty whispered over cold chai that the child would be permanently broken because of her...
A Letter To Past Me: That Cry Baby Movie Was A Huge Mistake!
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, Right now you're standing in the kitchen. It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those awful gray maternity sweatpantsβyes, the ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh...