The Mattress Myth and Other Midnight Lies About Baby Congestion
At 2:14 a.m., holding a screaming infant who sounded remarkably like a broken accordion, I made the fatal mistake of consulting the internet. A very cheerful parenting forum told me I should simply prop up one end of my daughter's...
The Honest Guide to Feeding Crustaceans to Your Infant
I was standing in my kitchen at ten in the morning on a random Tuesday, holding a twenty-dollar tin of pasteurized lump meat like it was a live grenade. The smell of cold brine was filling the room. My son...
A Letter To Myself About The Chaos Of The Baby Crawling Phase
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing black yoga pants that haven't seen the inside of a gym since 2018, and a gray t-shirt stained with breastmilk and what I'm desperately hoping is just mashed sweet potato. I'm nursing...
The Great Baby Bell Confusion: Cheese, Fungi, and Internet Weirdness
"Give them a baby bell," my mother-in-law announced on Tuesday over a cup of lukewarm tea, brandishing a little red wax wheel like it was a holy relic that would magically cure their fussiness. "Brilliant for calcium." On Wednesday, the...
Decoding Baby First Tooth Symptoms: A Late-Night Debugging Guide
Dear Marcus circa six months ago: It's currently 2:14 AM, you're holding a glowing digital thermometer like a tricorder, and you're staring into the mouth of a very angry tiny human. You're convinced her entire operating system is crashing. You're...
When My Back Gave Out: The Ugly Truth About a Baby Hip Carrier
We were twenty minutes into the Parker County Peach Festival when I felt something in my lower spine actually shift. It was 98 degrees in the shade, the air felt like a wet wool blanket, and my sixteen-month-old son, Beau,...
How To Make Your Baby Laugh Without Completely Losing Your Mind
It was a Tuesday. 4:15 PM, to be exact, and the afternoon light in our living room was doing that weird, aggressive glare thing that makes dust motes look like tiny judgment fairies. I was wearing leggings that hadnβt been...
Surviving the great baby pancake experiment of our weaning era
I'm currently scraping a piece of fossilised banana oat batter off the kitchen ceiling with a plastic spatula. It's 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the great weaning experiment has officially breached containment. Maya is covered in a sticky paste...
Surviving the 5 Month Old Baby Chaos Without Losing Your Mind
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark staring at the video monitor like it was a horror movie. My middle child, who up until that week had been a perfectly stationary potato, was...