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What Happens When You Look Up Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby Lyrics
It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized grey college hoodie that smelled faintly of old garlic and desperation. Leo, who was about six months old at the time, was screaming with the...
Oh Baby, A Triple: Surviving the Rule of Threes in Parenting
Itβs 3:14 AM on a random Tuesday. I'm standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tiles wearing a Target robe that smells aggressively like sour breastmilk and pure desperation, holding a plastic pump flange in one hand and a half-empty mug...
Baby Oil Memes, Skincare Myths, and Our Cradle Cap Disaster
It was 3:14 AM. The blue glow of my phone was illuminating Twin A's aggressively gripping fist, which was currently tangled in my collarbone. I was scrolling blindly with my free thumb, desperate to keep my brain awake while the...
3 AM Server Logs and Unexpected Pediatric Data from Paris Hilton
Dear Marcus of Six Months Ago, You're currently sitting in the dark in our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the harsh blue glow of the baby monitor and a half-empty mug of coffee you microwaved three times and still forgot...
A Patagonia Baby Reality Check: The Gear And The Travel Truth
The wind in southern Chile doesn't just blow, y'all. It actively tries to rip the hope right out of your chest. There I was, standing on a rocky trail that looked like the surface of the moon, holding my nine-month-old,...
Dear Past Me: What Pete Davidson Actually Got Right About Newborns
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting in the Target parking lot in your embarrassingly stained yoga pants, drinking a lukewarm latte and having a full-blown panic attack. Your best friend just texted that she's officially going into...
How to Pick a Pink Baby Shower Dress Without Losing Your Mind
I was standing in the middle of a Texas roadhouse bathroom in July, six and a half months pregnant with my oldest, trying to peel a blush-pink polyester maxi dress off my damp skin so I could pee for the...
The Unfiltered, Messy Truth About Your Baby's Diaper Deposits
We were somewhere on I-35 between Waco and Austin when the smell hit. My middle kid, who was about four months old at the time, let out a sound from the backseat that I can only describe as a bullfrog...
The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic
I was standing in my motherβs oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...