Baby Oil Memes, Skincare Myths, and Our Cradle Cap Disaster
It was 3:14 AM. The blue glow of my phone was illuminating Twin A's aggressively gripping fist, which was currently tangled in my collarbone. I was scrolling blindly with my free thumb, desperate to keep my brain awake while the...
3 AM Server Logs and Unexpected Pediatric Data from Paris Hilton
Dear Marcus of Six Months Ago, You're currently sitting in the dark in our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the harsh blue glow of the baby monitor and a half-empty mug of coffee you microwaved three times and still forgot...
Dear Past Me: What Pete Davidson Actually Got Right About Newborns
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting in the Target parking lot in your embarrassingly stained yoga pants, drinking a lukewarm latte and having a full-blown panic attack. Your best friend just texted that she's officially going into...
The truth about viral audio trends and your toddler
My mother-in-law told me to physically cover my toddler's ears whenever a rap song comes on in public. My neighbor, who has three feral boys, said I should just let him listen to whatever because censoring it makes it a...
Spoiled By My Billionaire Baby Daddy: The Real Truth About Luxury
I was standing at the kitchen island at eleven o'clock last night, aggressively scrubbing dried sweet potato off a highchair tray with a sponge that had definitely seen better days, when my phone auto-played a clip from that ridiculous viral...
The Truth About That Demon Baby Movie Destroying Your Toddler
I found my two-year-old standing by the pantry yesterday, clutching a bottle of Cholula like a teddy bear, demanding I call him maknae. That was the moment I realized the biggest lie parents are telling each other right now. Everyone...
The truth about that viral JD Vance baby face meme
Listen, I was scrolling past a picture of the vice president on my phone at 2 a.m. while my toddler used my ribcage as a trampoline. It was that jd vance baby face edit that took over the internet late...
The Complete Chaos of Navigating That Viral Jalebi Baby Trend
It was 8:45 AM on a Tuesday, and I was trapped in the preschool drop-off line in my Honda CR-V smelling like three-day-old dry shampoo and desperation. Maya, who was four at the time, was kicking the back of my...
The Viral Rapper Baby Drama That Ruined My Instagram Archive
It was 3:14 in the morning, and Twin A was asleep face-down on my larynx. I was trapped in that uniquely parental state of paralysis where your arm has gone entirely numb, your bladder is screaming for mercy, but you...