What to Do When Your Kids Find a Tiny Opossum in the Backyard
Tuesday morning. 7:14 AM. I'm standing in the damp grass wearing my husband's oversized flannel bathrobe, one fuzzy sock because the dog stole the other one, and holding a mug of coffee that has already been microwaved three separate times....
That time we met a stranded sea sausage on the Norfolk beach
We were halfway across a devastatingly windy, aggressively grey stretch of the Norfolk coastline when one of the twins pointed a sandy, half-eaten breadstick at what appeared to be an abandoned sleeping bag. It was a bleak Tuesday in October,...
Why Looking At Baby Turtles For Sale Was My Rookie Dad Mistake
It was 10:45 AM on a Saturday, raining sideways in Portland, and I was hiding from my own house. My wife was attempting to get our 11-month-old to take his morning nap, a process that currently resembles negotiating a hostage...
Why a Baby Wombat Video Ruined My Tuesday (And Other Lessons)
It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tile wearing my husband Dave's oversized tech-conference t-shirt from 2016, trying to explain to my weeping four-year-old why I can't sew a pouch onto her...
Before you get quail chicks for the kids, read this
At 3:14 am on a Tuesday, I found myself dropping glass marbles into a milk bottle lid while two frantic, thumb-sized birds watched me with what I can only describe as big suspicion. In the next room, my two-year-old twin...
Letter to Myself: Surviving the Baby Pukeko Encounter
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the flat in Hackney, aggressively trying to cram forty-two nappies and a mountain of wipes into a suitcase that was clearly designed for a weekend in Paris,...
Letter to My Past Self: Surviving Twin Girls and a Baby Cat
Dear Tom. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 4:13 AM holding a half-empty bottle of Calpol, shivering in your dressing gown, and staring at a tiny, bewildered creature that your wife just brought home in a cardboard box. You...
The 2am baby wolf spider encounter that changed my parenting
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the London flat was entirely silent except for the rhythmic, congested breathing of Twin A, or possibly Twin B, since they frequently swap beds just to gaslight me. I was on a...
Dear Past Me: Do Not Let Your Kid Touch That Tiny Wild Reptile
Dear Sarah of last May. You're currently standing on the muddy shoulder of the Wissahickon creek trail, balancing a tepid Yeti mug of dark roast on your yoga pants-clad knee, utterly paralyzed. Leo is pointing a grubby four-year-old finger at...